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XES: Why Church Girls Tend to Get It Backward

Wed, 03/04/2015 - 4:55am
Episode 141

In some church circles, sex is a dirty word filled with notions of forbiddenness and shame.

Joy McMillan wants to help change that. Her new book, XES: Why church girls tend to get it backwards…and how to get it right, is helping thousands of women see sex differently.

Show Notes:

1:39 – Joy talks about why she wrote this book. For her, sex was such a sore point in her life and massive source of shame. She found it difficult in the church to talk openly about it.

3:11 – Joy talks about where the inspiration for the title came from.

4:03 – Joy comments about how tempted she has been over the years to get sucked into erotica. She comments on the Fifty Shades phenomenon.

5:43 – Joy talks about her own sexual baggage, the temptations she encountered over the years, her date rape when she was a teenager, and her years of promiscuity.

10:18 – Joy talks about the moment when she started to really taste freedom from her sexual baggage, speaking openly with her fiancé about her past. Now she talks about how to make the church a place where it is normal and safe to talk about your sexual past.

13:48 – How does the church get it backwards?

16:03 – Joy talks about why she specifically targeted women with her book.

17:12 – Joy talks about the mission of her book in resetting the conversation in the church about sex: exposing the lies women believe about sex, men, and God, enlightening women about the good gift of sex, and encouraging women to not settle for less and not to carry their sexual baggage all by themselves.

20:06 – Joy talks about her fear in publishing the book and the excitement of seeing it lives changed through it.

22:22 – Joy talks about the importance of accountability and transparency in female community: wisely choosing your friends who have common goals, and giving permission to speak into each other’s lives.

26:09 – Joy talks about what it means to work through the consequences of her sexual baggage.

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Categories: News Headlines

Preparing Your Kids To Stand Against Porn: “Name It When You See It”

Mon, 03/02/2015 - 4:55am

Parents today don’t have the privilege of avoiding a discussion about porn with their kids.

We get it. The idea of bringing up the subject of porn with your kids, especially your little kids, might sound to you like the most uncomfortable thing you can think of. Many parents we know would outright protest the idea: telling kids about porn is tantamount to robbing a child of his or her innocence.

But do you know what really robs a child of innocence?


More specifically, what really robs a child of their youthful naivety is when they are exposed to porn but they have no teaching or training about what to do with the images they are seeing.

Recently our CEO Ron DeHaas sat down with our friend Father Sean Kilcawley to talk about how to train kids to deal with porn.

Fr. Sean talks here about Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn Proofing Today’s Young Kids by Kristen Jensen, a read-aloud book that gives parents a CAN DO plan.

In a really simple way, Good Pictures, Bad Pictures explains to kids how our brains work. When we see pornography it activates our mid-brain—or what the book calls our “feeling brain.” If we aren’t careful, the more we watch pornography, the more our feeling brain begins to take over. Instead, we need to activate our prefrontal cortex—what the book calls our “thinking brain” right away: we need to take that initial thought and feeling captive.

C: Close your eyes

As soon as you see something that looks like porn, close your eyes, shut the laptop or turn off the computer, and walk away.

A: Alert a trusted adult.

Tell mom or dad or a trusted adult about what you saw.

N: Name it when you see it.

Label what you saw: “That’s pornography.” This activates our thinking brain: calling it what it is.

D: Distract your thoughts with something else.

Distract yourself with other thoughts: sing, read, play, or do something to get your mind off of it. Parents can help greatly in this regard.

O: Order your “thinking brain” to take charge.

Remind yourself (or have parents remind you) why pornography is harmful. Affirm to yourself or have parents affirm you made a great choice to turn away from it.


What do you think? Is this a plan you could teach your young child?

The post Preparing Your Kids To Stand Against Porn: “Name It When You See It” appeared first on Covenant Eyes.

Categories: News Headlines