I remember when my wife was 8 weeks pregnant and she was reading in a few online discussion forums for pregnant women. She came across a number of threads of conversation about pornography. Several women said their husbands had really ramped up their use of porn during the pregnancy. To some women this was deplorable. To other women this was seen as all right (“After all, don’t all guys look at porn?”).

One common theme I noticed among the more permissive women was that the only ethical dilemma was related to a guy “sneaking around” to look at porn. For these women, the real problem with porn is the secrecy that often comes with it. They believe as long as he’s open about it, there’s no problem. If they watch it together in the bedroom, no harm done.

I think wives who allow this to go on in the bedroom need to stop and think about the consequences.

1. First, I would challenge wives to think about what their standards are for a healthy sexual relationship. Is it merely bigger orgasms, more experimentation, more variety, or is there something of a connection you long for? Could sex actually be better if you knew you had all of your man, not just his body, but his full attention?

Where is your husband’s mind during love-making? Is it more focused on the women in the porn flick, or you? Even when he’s not looking at the screen, where is his mind? Mentally, what he is doing is similar to watching porn while alone and masturbating, only in the bedroom he’s using his your body.

I agree with Dr. Judith Reisman when she says porn causes men to be impotent, in the classic sense of the word: unable to function with their own sexual power.

If he can’t make love to his beloved, if he has to imagine a picture, if he has to imagine a scene, in order to actually reach the heights of completion with this person, then he’s no longer with his own power, is he? He has been stripped. He has been hijacked. He has been emasculated. He has, in effect, been castrated visually.

I believe if wives are being honest with themselves they would say, “No, I do not want to train my husband’s mind to always need to withdraw into fantasy in order to orgasm. I want to know he is fully present with me.”

2. I would challenge wives to think about all the psychological harms that come with repeatedly watching pornography in general. Viewing pornography has been proven, for both men and women, to decrease our sexual satisfaction in marriage, make us escape into fantasy and avoid connection in authentic relationships, lower our view of women, and create a thirst for watching more pornography. (I outline a lot of these harms in a short e-book I wrote called Your Brain on Porn.)

Bringing porn into the bedroom exposes a husband to these harms. A wife should fight for the sexual health of her man. Bringing porn into the bedroom also exposes you as a woman to these harms (as this great testimony on our blog talks about).

3. I would remind you that God is the wise designer of sex, and godly sex, as He commands it, should not contain elements of lust. Certainly some women might believe their man isn’t lusting after the women in pornography if they’re using it to spice up their bedroom life, but this is turning a blind eye to how they know their man really is. If he were alone masturbating to porn, he would be lusting. If he’s in the bedroom with you being turned on by the women he sees on the screen and filling his mind with images of them, then he’s lusting. Yes, he may simultaneously be turned on by you. But this is like eating a salad and washing it down with a BK Whopper and saying you had a healthy meal.

After much work on the part of the Pink Cross Foundation, the California Occupational Safety and Health Administration (Cal/OSHA), and the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, the nation’s largest hub of commercial pornography may be shutting down. Right now the San Fernando Valley (called “San Pornando Valley” by some) is the home to companies that produce 90% of the nation’s porn supply. But a 9-1 vote from the LA city council on January 17 might be changing that.

The porn industry may be required to have all their performers use condoms.

Enforcing this law puts porn producers between a rock and hard place. The rock would be their blatant violation of workplace health laws. The hard place would be the demands from porn consumers: no one, apparently, wants to see condoms in their porn films.

Recently I asked Shelley Lubben, founder of the Pink Cross and a former porn actress, what this vote could means for the porn industry.

. . . .

LG: Currently, much of the porn industry in California violates Cal/OSHA’s requirements, correct? What specifically is the violation?

SL: The California Occupational Safety and Health Act requires employers to provide a safe and healthful workplace for employees, and pay the costs of their health and safety program. This same act gives Cal/OSHA jurisdiction over virtually all private employers in California, including employers in the adult film industry. Employers must comply with all relevant regulations, which are contained in Title 8 of the California Code of Regulations.

Directly applicable to the porn industry there is a Bloodborne Pathogens Standard for all employees exposed to bodily fluids.

LG: So, if they are already in violation, what is the significance of the Los Angeles city council recent vote?

SL: Cal/OSHA has continually said they are not able to enforce the standard and the laws due to low staff so LA City Council has agreed to help enforce the workplace laws by making it mandatory to wear condoms in order to get a film permit.

LG: What sort of public support does this law have?

SL: Over 70,000 LA Voters signed the initiative to make condoms mandatory.

LG: Just how bad is the porn industry when it comes to health risks?

SL: No other industry exposes workers to bodily fluids more than the porn industry. Most of the movies are filmed in private location with young 18-, 19-, and 20-year-old girls on a mostly male set. There is no supervision and anything goes on the porn set.

LG: The next step is approval from Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. Is there any confidence he will approve it?

SL: Yes, he supports the initiative.

LG: I know there’s a concern about enforcement of this law. What would the cost be to enforce this? How difficult would it be?

SL: The new rule would require porn producers to pay a fee to fund surprise inspections. This would reasonably cover the enforcement costs.

LG: So, let’s say most of the big porn purveyors decide to leave LA (as some of them have already indicated). Where would they legally be allowed to set up shop?

SL: First of all, they threaten to leave but porn stars would never leave their precious Hollywood, all their prostitution clients, and their LA lifestyle. The only place they can set up shop in the United States is New Hampshire and Pink Cross along with AIDS Healthcare Foundation vows to bring the initiative there as well as also educate New Hampshire on the illegally operating porn industry. They could go to Europe to shoot but again they will run into the health laws. They really have nowhere to run.

Unwanted access to porn may be on the decline

According to the Journal of Adolescent Health, unwanted exposure to pornography is less common today. Over the last 10 years there have been three Youth Internet Safety Surveys (YISS) conducted (in 2000, 2005, and 2010). In these surveys children and teens, ages 10 to 17, were asked, “In the past year  when you were doing an online search or surfing the web, did you ever find yourself in a Web site that showed pictures of naked people or of people having sex when you did not want to be in that kind of site?”

Here were some of the results:

• Between 2000 and 2005 there was an increase in unwanted exposures to porn, going from 25% of youth to 34% of youth.
• Between 2005 and 2010 there was a decrease in unwanted exposures to porn, going from 34% to 23%.
• In each YISS survey, unwanted exposures to porn were more common among the 16-17 age group. In 2010, 28% of 16-17-year-olds said they had unwanted exposures.
• For the 10-12 age group, unwanted exposures to porn have increased overall in the last 10 years: from 9% in 2000 to 15% in 2010. (There was a spike of 19% in 2005.)

The authors of the study attribute the overall decline to two factors:

1. The detection capabilities of spamware and filters have become more refined in the last 10 years.
2. Young people may have become better educated and more savvy about opening unidentified e-mails or clicking on unidentified links.

For those in the Internet safety sphere, this report is cause for celebration. Technology and education may, in fact, be paying off. However, we must also pause and remember these stats only apply to “unwanted” exposures to pornography, not youth who are intentionally accessing or looking for porn.

Read more:

1. Teens and Porn: 10 Stats You Need to Know
2. The Unfiltered Truth: Children Search for Pornography From an Early Age, by Brittany Glynn
3. Tips for talking to your kids about porn: Important issues for important ages, by David Wever, LMFT
4. Internet Precautions: Tips for helping you and your kids make good choices online, by Emily Malone

Free E-Book:

Learn more about Internet dangers in our new guide, Parenting the Internet Generation: 7 Potential Threats and 7 Habits for Internet Safety. In this guide you will learn not only about pornography, but other online dangers for kids and teens. You will also learn proactive steps you can take to protect your children and your home.